Friday, September 11, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Slicin Meat
the other day, rooster and doc were out gettin chorizo when they noticed a garage sale goin on. these nice ladies were insisting that we buy something. so rooster got this:
FOR $1!!!!
but then, doc saw something that was even more awesome. something that has since changed the lives of all those in the neighborhood...
he got one of these:
For $10!!!!
What is that you ask???
well, I'll give you a hint.
it takes this:
and turns it into this:
it's also great for turning this:
into this:
so, that night, doc and rooster drank a lot of these:
and a whole lotta this:
we called over some of these:
and for some reason these showed up too:
with some of this:
which was easily turned into this:
using this:
so everybody's partyin, having a good time. but they're all wasted.
then this happened:
which really sucked, because we were about to bust open this:
then, in the pain, rooster accidentally triggers this:
which he happened to have in the cabinet where doc's medical kit used to be.
Then everybody panics.
To be continued.....
What's gonna happen next?????? Will Doc and Rooster get out alive????
Stay tuned for the next episode to find out!!!!
-rooster
FOR $1!!!!
but then, doc saw something that was even more awesome. something that has since changed the lives of all those in the neighborhood...
he got one of these:
For $10!!!!
What is that you ask???
well, I'll give you a hint.
it takes this:
and turns it into this:
it's also great for turning this:
into this:
so, that night, doc and rooster drank a lot of these:
and a whole lotta this:
we called over some of these:
and for some reason these showed up too:
with some of this:
which was easily turned into this:
using this:
so everybody's partyin, having a good time. but they're all wasted.
then this happened:
which really sucked, because we were about to bust open this:
then, in the pain, rooster accidentally triggers this:
which he happened to have in the cabinet where doc's medical kit used to be.
Then everybody panics.
To be continued.....
What's gonna happen next?????? Will Doc and Rooster get out alive????
Stay tuned for the next episode to find out!!!!
-rooster
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Rise of the Machines or Robot Sex Slaves?
Well, it has begun. What do y'all think about this?
Them South Koreans are making robots. Pretty crazy shit.
Kinda sexy.
Remember this?
There's even a whole segment of people that have a robot fetish.
Some people call them "Gynoids."
what about this?
or this?
I mean, I can see training these gynoids to be deadly assasins or something. but when it comes to makin gravy, I would definitely prefer the real thing. then again, it gives a whole new meaning to the Godfather of Soul's axiom "I'm a funky sex machine!"
Thoughts?
-rooster
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Crazy COCKS!!!!!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Panhandled
on our way to Alberquerque when we stop for the night. neon light humming Vacancy. your ass-cheeks humming surrender dorothy after ten hours of shit-roads and gravel detours. Doc says Somewhere in the Panhandle. light a Red while Swedish rubs her eyes and Doc goes to the office.
Swedish. we met her after the show in Peyton, Arkansas at some pokey truck stop. Doc needed Flamin hot Cheetos. I needed sunglasses and cigs. she needed to get to Denver. my hands were down her pants when Doc missed the turn-off. Shit, he says. I wanna see Alberquerque, she says. Now we're some sort of couple.
Doc comes back and tells me they only got one room. 241. I ask him how thin the walls are. He laughs and says not thin enough.
the insect working the front desk is watching some late-night sermon on a green-tinted television. He says Angie's, but they don't serve after 2, and it's 1:49. Sure they do off-sale, but you gotta erry up, he says. the tv preaches But as the Devil lives among us, so does the Lord, my brothers and sisters.
it's 2:23 and behind Angie's. that bitch. I climb into the Nissan when this Dyson comes out. he rocks a denim cutoff and bandana. i realize with one punch he could kill me. He says Where the Hell you think you're going? I say Hell. he says You fuckin right. I try to get in the car but it all happens so fast and I come to with a crust on my face and a killer headache.
could be worse.
fuck.
the crust ain't blood.
wait.
wallet.
keys.
yes. it could be worse.
I crawl back into the truck and try to focus on white line after white line. zing my teary eyes. bloody nose got rusty pipes. fucker stole my cigs. that homo fuck. road is black and mauve, all the way to motel I slander the fags while the radio preacher talks of Divine Mercy and Justice and Sanctity of Marriage.
back at Room 241. Doc’s sleepin on the bed and Swedish is about to shower. Takes off my clothes and Nothin, must have bruised it at the show. Steamy pink skin and wet dirty hair, hands all over, bites my lip hard. Draw my blood. wet, wet, Ouch that hurts, moaner not a screamer, mover not a shaker.
next day tv preacher says the Lord forgives only if you ask. Doc honks and I give Sweedish a kiss on the forehead. she breathes soft in her sleep. I whisper in through the curls to her ear Maybe we'll meet up in Alberquerque.
tv preacher says Only the Word, my Brothers and Sisters, can save your Soul...
-rooster
Check out this SHIT!
Swedish. we met her after the show in Peyton, Arkansas at some pokey truck stop. Doc needed Flamin hot Cheetos. I needed sunglasses and cigs. she needed to get to Denver. my hands were down her pants when Doc missed the turn-off. Shit, he says. I wanna see Alberquerque, she says. Now we're some sort of couple.
Doc comes back and tells me they only got one room. 241. I ask him how thin the walls are. He laughs and says not thin enough.
the insect working the front desk is watching some late-night sermon on a green-tinted television. He says Angie's, but they don't serve after 2, and it's 1:49. Sure they do off-sale, but you gotta erry up, he says. the tv preaches But as the Devil lives among us, so does the Lord, my brothers and sisters.
it's 2:23 and behind Angie's. that bitch. I climb into the Nissan when this Dyson comes out. he rocks a denim cutoff and bandana. i realize with one punch he could kill me. He says Where the Hell you think you're going? I say Hell. he says You fuckin right. I try to get in the car but it all happens so fast and I come to with a crust on my face and a killer headache.
could be worse.
fuck.
the crust ain't blood.
wait.
wallet.
keys.
yes. it could be worse.
I crawl back into the truck and try to focus on white line after white line. zing my teary eyes. bloody nose got rusty pipes. fucker stole my cigs. that homo fuck. road is black and mauve, all the way to motel I slander the fags while the radio preacher talks of Divine Mercy and Justice and Sanctity of Marriage.
back at Room 241. Doc’s sleepin on the bed and Swedish is about to shower. Takes off my clothes and Nothin, must have bruised it at the show. Steamy pink skin and wet dirty hair, hands all over, bites my lip hard. Draw my blood. wet, wet, Ouch that hurts, moaner not a screamer, mover not a shaker.
next day tv preacher says the Lord forgives only if you ask. Doc honks and I give Sweedish a kiss on the forehead. she breathes soft in her sleep. I whisper in through the curls to her ear Maybe we'll meet up in Alberquerque.
tv preacher says Only the Word, my Brothers and Sisters, can save your Soul...
-rooster
Check out this SHIT!
FireAnts and Zombie Juice
goddamn it was so simple. foolproof, maybe not. but simple for sure. in this world where everybody was stupid-crazy with all the shit they had on their minds, it woulda worked. but Katie wasn't playin ball. And Doc was whining like a summer-camp sleepover during a rainstorm. And let me tell you, now I've got these goddamn fireants eating my balls.
Shit.
he called it off because he didn't want to be the driver. he wanted to be the point man. I told him, I don't have a license; you got a car and a license. he said, being the driver's boring. he said, I wanna be the one that goes in.
Katie was being snobby. she said, that may be the dumbest plan ever. she also said, If I'm risking my job, and probably going to jail, I want at least 75%. we told her, you're nuts, you can get 50. that's it. after a tug o war we got her down to 65%. said, you know we gotta go for more money now. whatever, she said.
goddamn it was so simple. walk in. wait in line for Katie. spray her with the zombie juice. she acts catatonic as she grabs the huge amount of money. she passes out, soon after, the cops let her go, because her blood says she'd been drugged. she took a date-rape pill 20 minutes before we get to the bank. says someone sprayed her with something and she can't remember anything else. zombie juice is basically tap water and cortizone. she meets us later, and we go to mexico.
and I could be on the beach instead of these goddamn fireants eating my balls.
she said, I'm doing all the work, you ain't doin shit. maybe. she said, how do I know you're even going to pick me up? How do I know you're not just gonna skip out with all the $$$? whatever Katie, you know you can trust us. She said, I just met y'all, and I think y'all are gonna use me.
we did want to use her. when we met her, at Dave's, it was an all-out cock fight between Doc and I. we both wanted to sleep with her, and a sharp broad like Katie can smell that through the tequila and marlboro reds even in a sweaty underground bar like Dave's.
said she'd never been to a cock fight. told her she was in the middle of one right then.
Doc and I decided we needed another plan. the water-cortizone zombie juice plan was a little far fetched. said it'd get us onto America's Dumbest Criminals.
There's others. lot's of plans. now we're in Georgia. Big Tim's Hog Dog Triangle. we pick up the hogs from Patchie, a big ass indian down outsida Dallas, GA. we drive em up to the Links by Nagadotches. we take the dead dogs down to Chimney Rocks. it's a dirt-mud-dust-and-blood job. ever get fire-ants in your gloves? just don't scratch your balls. like to see you try all hot and sweaty durin that hog dog season heat.
now i'm between Links and Chimney Rocks. at the Riverside Motel. TV says some bank got hit for half a million dollars. fourth one in two months. on the security tape they got some sharp broad walk up to the teller, spray him with what the media's callin 'zombie juice'. poor teller's stumblin to the cash-stash. say the government knows nothin about mind control substances, but the media ain't buyin. crowds protesting, calling it inhumane, say they're usin it on terrorist detainees. say the zombie-woman is an ex-CIA operative. World’s Dumbest Criminals my ass.
-rooster
Check out this SHIT!
Shit.
he called it off because he didn't want to be the driver. he wanted to be the point man. I told him, I don't have a license; you got a car and a license. he said, being the driver's boring. he said, I wanna be the one that goes in.
Katie was being snobby. she said, that may be the dumbest plan ever. she also said, If I'm risking my job, and probably going to jail, I want at least 75%. we told her, you're nuts, you can get 50. that's it. after a tug o war we got her down to 65%. said, you know we gotta go for more money now. whatever, she said.
goddamn it was so simple. walk in. wait in line for Katie. spray her with the zombie juice. she acts catatonic as she grabs the huge amount of money. she passes out, soon after, the cops let her go, because her blood says she'd been drugged. she took a date-rape pill 20 minutes before we get to the bank. says someone sprayed her with something and she can't remember anything else. zombie juice is basically tap water and cortizone. she meets us later, and we go to mexico.
and I could be on the beach instead of these goddamn fireants eating my balls.
she said, I'm doing all the work, you ain't doin shit. maybe. she said, how do I know you're even going to pick me up? How do I know you're not just gonna skip out with all the $$$? whatever Katie, you know you can trust us. She said, I just met y'all, and I think y'all are gonna use me.
we did want to use her. when we met her, at Dave's, it was an all-out cock fight between Doc and I. we both wanted to sleep with her, and a sharp broad like Katie can smell that through the tequila and marlboro reds even in a sweaty underground bar like Dave's.
said she'd never been to a cock fight. told her she was in the middle of one right then.
Doc and I decided we needed another plan. the water-cortizone zombie juice plan was a little far fetched. said it'd get us onto America's Dumbest Criminals.
There's others. lot's of plans. now we're in Georgia. Big Tim's Hog Dog Triangle. we pick up the hogs from Patchie, a big ass indian down outsida Dallas, GA. we drive em up to the Links by Nagadotches. we take the dead dogs down to Chimney Rocks. it's a dirt-mud-dust-and-blood job. ever get fire-ants in your gloves? just don't scratch your balls. like to see you try all hot and sweaty durin that hog dog season heat.
now i'm between Links and Chimney Rocks. at the Riverside Motel. TV says some bank got hit for half a million dollars. fourth one in two months. on the security tape they got some sharp broad walk up to the teller, spray him with what the media's callin 'zombie juice'. poor teller's stumblin to the cash-stash. say the government knows nothin about mind control substances, but the media ain't buyin. crowds protesting, calling it inhumane, say they're usin it on terrorist detainees. say the zombie-woman is an ex-CIA operative. World’s Dumbest Criminals my ass.
-rooster
Check out this SHIT!
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